


thank you, phandom :)

by EmmytheFangirl



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Ambiguous Relationships, Gen, Just read and you'll understand, Out of Character, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, this is more of a thank you letter than an actual fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 04:03:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19221187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmytheFangirl/pseuds/EmmytheFangirl
Summary: A fantasy story I wrote a very long time ago featuring probably OOC D&P + me blabbing about recent events in the notes. Yeehaw.





	1. The Ramblings

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter is my ramblings, the second part is the actual story. Personally, I recommend reading both because the story is an big oof for me, so learn something from the first part, I guess.
> 
> This is inspired by Destiel__winchester and her "revisions" to her previous work. I was really proud of her, despite not knowing her, and she inspired me to write this.
> 
> Also: I am NOT, under any circumstances, trying to hate on the Phandom. What I am writing are my honest feelings about the events that occurred in my life when I was in the Phandom. I encourage discussion, but if you're going to tell me I'm a horrible human, just don't comment. 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!
> 
> -Emmy

Hello.

My name is Emmy. I used to be on AO3 and FFN.net a very, very long time ago as EmmySmosher713 writing Ianthony fics. (If you remember me, God help your soul.) Back then, I was an incredibly confused and scared little eighth grader who had found a new obsession, discovered people who also obsessed over the same things, and consequently, went ham on fandom. I needed an outlet wherever I could find it, because I wasn't getting that in school. I was left out by my peers for being the weird kid, and took to fandom to find comfort. Before then, I was lost in life. I didn't know who I was, and I didn't know where I was going to end up. All I wanted was to be accepted for being myself, and fandom was the one place where being weird and crazy and obsessive was okay, even encouraged.

Discovering thriving and well-established fandom for the first time in Smosh had me livid, and after that phase ended, discovering the Phandom was exactly what I needed to get me through my early high school years. I loved and reveled in being in a community who loved the same thing loudly and proudly, and my life revolved around the boys and the fans. I remember writing a research paper on fandom culture for an actual grade (most likely scarring my English teacher) and talking about Phan in an essay for my state's standardized test (most likely scarring that grader).

However, the influence Phandom culture had on my life was too immense, as I now realize, to the point of shaping my personality. I shipped Phan like a madwoman, leaving me with some incredibly skewed morals. I believed it was okay to treat two grown men like dolls in a lighthearted game and play with their sexualities and personal lives. I believed it was okay to dive so deep into fandom that I forgot how to interact properly with real people. I spent so much time hidden and alone that my mother took a course in suicide prevention because she believed I was going to kill myself. I became a clone copy of the typical "demon Phannie," doing things to others and myself that I still regret to this day. When you're surrounded by people (both in real life and on the Internet) who are okay with the fact that you're destroying your life because they don't know any better, your quality of life goes downhill pretty quickly. At one point, I genuinely believed that the only reason I had to stay alive was because of the Phandom. Not my family, not my friends, and definitely not coming out on the other side of high school okay. Only because of two men I had never met and the slim chance of them being in a sexual relationship. Looking back on those days, I am honestly shocked nothing permanently terrible happened to me because of my decisions. Now, I loved the boys, and I still do. They're wonderful humans who did their best to make the world a positive place with their content, despite the negativity thrown at them at some points. I was honestly too young to properly make sense of the things I encountered in the Phandom, and I let it take over my life. If you think you're heading down that same path, with anything at all, not just fandoms: realize that there are people off your screen that care about you too. Let them in while you still can.

After a long process of realizing, "hey maybe I shouldn't base my life around disrespecting celebrities and trying to be a psychopath," I focused my previously mentioned full-ham energy onto theatre and choir. I unfollowed all my Phan accounts on Instagram, got some real friends, and dismissed YouTube fandoms (note: not all fandoms. I'm not that coldhearted.) from my life completely. Two years later, I have now graduated high school and am looking forward to studying musical theatre in college in the fall. I've found something I'm passionate about and I can't imagine myself doing anything else. I left the dark part of my life behind me. I still followed D&P, but didn't keep up with them regularly, until yesterday.

When I got the notification for Dan's newest video, I felt the Phangirl in me come back like a raging storm, and I set everything aside for an afternoon to watch Dan's video and observe the reactions. I was (and still am, obviously) so proud of Dan for having the courage to come out so publicly and share his story in the hopes that it might help someone else. However, I felt scared for him as well, because of the reactions I thought would be inevitable from his fanbase. He deserved better than that for accomplishing such a courageous task. I finished his video, and with fear in my heart, went to check Twitter and Tumblr for the reactions, and I was so shocked in the best way possible to find the best-case scenario positive response from the Phandom. Not one mention of "PHAN IS REAL!!!!!!!11!!!" but simply sincere congratulations. When I left the Phandom, I left a community of well-meaning, but obsessive and morally ambiguous people, and I came back to see such support and respectfulness that it moved me. For the first time in a long time, I was proud to have been a part of the Phandom, and so, I gift this to you all.

To any people in the Phandom who have realized their ways and made an attempt to change the stereotype: thank you. I see you. The change in the community is so inspiring to see. We need more positive, caring, and kind people in the world, and it can start here with you.

The story you are about to read is one I wrote for a grade for my sophomore year English class. The same teacher I scarred with the research essay got to read this as well. (I'm so sorry, Mrs. Price.) Surprisingly enough, it is SFW, and contains minimal, if any, mention of Phan itself. It is my last memorial to my time in the Phandom, and I just feel compelled to finally put it out there. Thank you, Phandom, for getting me to the other side, teaching me important lessons I couldn't have learned otherwise, and for evolving into a supportive community of genuinely good people. Here's to you.


	2. The Actual Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story. Enjoy? That's a strong word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -This is NOT meant to romanticize mental illness. My prompt was to make a fantasy story using what I had learned in class that unit and this is sophomore Emmy's interpretation of that.  
> -I was not a world class writer then, and I am still not.  
> -This is completely unedited from the original hard copy I turned in to my teacher. I do not know why that was relevant or important information.

Once upon a time, in a little remote village, there was a young boy named Daniel. His friends said he had the brightest smile, the most joyful laugh, and the most inquisitive thoughts. However, as he got older, his smile became rarer to see, his laugh became less enthusiastic, and his thoughts became dark. This was a result of the Voices. The Voices are evil creatures, that bring horrible thoughts and convince an otherwise happy person to commit horrible actions to others or themselves.

Daniel had been a prisoner of the Voices for a long time when Philip came along, almost long enough for him to lose his will to continue on in the mortal world. However, Philip was a wizard, and knew just the right time to intervene with Daniel's issue. So, one fateful night, when Daniel was wide awake, being berated by the mental torture of the Voices, Philip slipped in through a window in Daniel's bedroom and interrupted the terrifying conversation.

"Daniel," the raven-haired wizard spoke, "you are not meant to suffer like this at the hands of your mind. You are meant to overcome this challenge, and help others overcome theirs as well. Join me on this quest, and this will be over once and for all."

Daniel was, in a word, completely confused. "Wait, I'm sorry, what? Who are you? Why are you in my room? And what quest?"

Philip laughed. "I am Philip, the Wizard of the Light. I've come here because I believe you are special and capable enough to defeat the Voices once and for all."

"Why me?" Daniel mumbled, looking off to the side. "I'm not a hero, I'm useless..."

"That's what the Voices are trying to tell you. They are evil and trying to consume your thoughts. There is still time, and there is still hope for you. Please, Daniel, for your sake, mine, and everyone else you know, join me."

Daniel opened his mouth to argue, but he didn't know what to say. Finally, he threw his arms in the air and sighed. "Sure thing, Phil. Why the heck not?"

Philip grinned. "Good. We leave at dawn." He climbed out of the window and disappeared out of sight.

Staying true to his word, the wizard arrived the next day at dawn to greet a yawning Daniel with a large sack of rations and supplies.

"Good morning, Danny." Philip greeted. Observing Daniel's sack of supplies, he added, "Oh, and you won't be needing that stuff."

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "No food, supplies, nothing?"

"I have it all where you'll be staying," Philip replied, "now drop that off and follow me."

Daniel did what he was told and came back out, but he was tying a long necklace around his neck that looked somewhat familiar to Philip.

"May I look at your necklace, Danny?" he asked.

"I prefer Dan," the young boy mumbled, "and yes, you may."

Daniel handed his necklace to the wizard. As Philip turned the white crystal on the end of the chain around in his hand, it began to glow a radiant white. His eyes widened as he realized what it was. He looked up at a perplexed Dan.

"Dan, where did you find this?" he questioned almost incoherently.

"I found it at the edge of a river when I was young. I've always had it. Why is it glowing?" Daniel's voice sped up gradually in confusion.

"Dan, this is the Crystal of Hope! Oh, this is amazing! Hurry, now, we're not too far!" Philip skipped ahead as Dan ran to catch up to him.

After a short while, the pair had arrived at Phil's simple cottage in the woods where he ate, slept, and performed his spells. There, the wizard worked with Dan on some coping techniques to deal with the hateful emotions the Voices often brought. Philip tried many different kinds of magic on the Crystal of Hope to bring back its full potential, but its power stayed hidden, to his dismay.

Finally the time came for Dan's first battle with the evil Voices. On that night, Phil performed a spell on his companion and himself to go inside Dan's most inner thoughts and travel to the Tower of Voices.

When the pair were at the top of the crumbling tower, the wizard asked:

"Are you ready?"

"I think so," Dan replied, looking at the door and beginning to take deep breaths.

Many dark hours passed as Dan sat amidst the darkness, trying to fight his dark side and Phil watched intently from afar. All seemed well, until...

"Dan!" Phil yelled, running.

Dan had suddenly woken up from the trance he was in, gasping for air while letting out terrified shrieks. He crawled as best as he could towards Phil, who cradled the boy and snapped his fingers.

A moment later, the atmosphere switched from gloomy and desolate to serene and peaceful. The sound of flowing water was only interrupted by Dan's quick breathing and Phil's assuring words. The blooming cherry blossom trees provided shelter from Dan's dark thoughts, and soon, the boy had recovered from his panic attack.

"Phil, where are we?" Dan asked, finally taking in his surroundings.

"I took us to the Garden of Healing," the wizard replied. "Dan, what happened?"

"I...I lost it. They kept telling me that I wasn't a hero, and I couldn't do it, and..." He trailed off, and looked to the side.

"And?" Phil pushed on.

"...they said you didn't want me here." Dan's voice cracked as a single tear dripped down his face.

Phil's face dropped as he saw his student look so defeated. He looked up at the pale pink trees above them as he considered what to do. He stood up, and began to speak in an ancient, forgotten language: the language of magic. As he began to do so, the petals began to float off of the branches and surround Dan. The boy looked up in awe as the magic creatures settled on him - and began to provide words of encouragement.

"You are brave enough...you are capable enough...we believe in you, Dan...you can get past this..." The creatures all spoke until their voices fused into one collective hum. As Dan began to smile, the petals flew around him, and for the first time in many years, he began to laugh. Phil was looking on, smiling, knowing he'd done his job.

After a while, the petals returned to their branches, and Dan was, in a word, glowing. He looked like a drop of sunshine, and Phil gasped as he realized why.

"Dan! The Crystal!" Dan looked at his chest and his eyes widened. The crystal lifted from his chest and split into two long, elegant spears.

"The Twin Spears of Light..." Phil mumbled, amazed at the sight before him.

Dan was giddy with glee. "Phil! This is it! This is how we defeat the Voices!" He ran back to Phil with the spears and gave one to him.

"Together?" he asked.

"Together."

One long night later, Dan and Phil emerged once more from the Tower of Voices, finally victorious. Dan was finally the happiest he'd ever been, and Phil was too. Together, they lived in the cottage in the woods, and Phil began to train his hero in magic, so they could help others defeat their Voices. Finally, Dan could use his bright smile, joyful laugh, and inquisitive thoughts for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Going through this after watching Dan's video and seeing the similarities to his story and what came out of little Emmy's mind is eerie.
> 
> Thank you for reading this. If I have the time, I might consider rewriting this. Until then, I will leave this for you to peruse and think and discuss.
> 
> Thank you all for being good people. I wish you all the best.
> 
> -Emmy


End file.
